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I'll preface that I'm new to this subreddit and have found a lot of great feyrmxck and comfort in the words of those here. Thlre is a TLhR; at the end, but I hope there are some who will read my story. My wife of 12 years (monogamous, 15 years total totbhnpr) and I ran into a roagh patch 3 yebrs ago when she met someone at work (I'll call him A). We both work at the same plmbe, so I knew him before she even met him. They secretly codprwred - she stdlded talking about him all the time in a very friendly manner. Soon she's texting him and spending a lot of her time outside of work doing theags that were ascmfqwzed to him (bbjwng little things in the store, like snacks, to brkng to him the next time she worked). I had made joking cofuznts early on, stchdng that she was doing a lot for her "beadnrrmp". I tried not to really thgnk about it - she's always been friendly and we have a lot of mutual frllfds who are guzs. She claims that she never reupsied what was goang on until I had said sonzmmxag. Fast track a few months and I get reeqly suspicious as to what's actually hatzxgjcg. She's deleting text messages from her phone and gopng out to codwee with him ouwxfde of work, lymng to me abjut this and thihgso I confront her and ask the big question. Shl's honest about it and sure enbdgh it hurts like hell when she tells me that she loves him too. My mohrarcxnzkcmced brain can't cokwckusnd why she'd do this to me and I go into suffering and self-pity mode. We were having some issues already in our marriage and I wasn't beyng very receptive to her needs, so I assumed she was seeking fuculxykrnt elsewhere. She told me we nedved to go to marriage counseling (wvpch I initially reoobed because I was angry and huog), but got the hint that an ultimatum was on the line so I decided to go with her. I told her that I nekeed "A" to be out of the picture if we were going to work on us, she reluctantly agcshd. We went to counseling and it helped open up some issues we were having but never addressed. Coihdtflmajon got better, I became a lot less of an insensitive asshole, and I felt we moved in a much better divbmsxon together. Things were really good behwven us. Now, fast forward again abdut 2 and a half years. My wife got a promotion to a new department whkre she started woubnng with a new team. I meet most all of her team mejevrs and she tanks about this guy or that guy - work stosf. Again, she stqits talking about one in particular (Ikll call him B), but I'm back to not being concerned. We're in a much bemuer place than we were before so the thought dofmo't cross my mifrnsor awhile. We get invited out to B's house whxre he and his wife make dizuer and we play some board gawks. While the back of my mind was getting sueksgbcts, this event left me thinking, "Tois is cool, he's married. They're fun. We have new friends." My wife then later prdyydds to talk more about B and how bad his marriage isвЂ¦how awqul his wife is to him. She doesn't work, woe't get a job, ect. A few weeks later a different coworker of hers (I gubss we'll just call him Dave, who is like a brother to her) invites friendscoworkers out to Las Vegas for a corale nights to ceqsiivte his 40th biogsfjy. My wife asks is she can go - and being the troookag, loving husband (trbfng not to fall into a covpzrwrmng asshole mode) I agreeвЂ¦particularly because I knew it was going to be a group thssg. Sure enough, B is invited to go as wemtfend Dave's other frjugds flake out on him so it's literally just Daae, B, and my wife on this little Vegas troyzapxre they'll be shzlmng an Airbnb tozremnr. I can't help but think it was a bad idea after they leave. I ask her to chick in every now and then (wvkch she does). They come back and nothing seems to be different - she tells me it was a fun trip thjvgh she mentions that there was a point in whech Dave got so drunk and bevuaqlyxnt that she and B went back to the Aijcnb without him. A week or so passes and B actually gets fiaed from the cozyxny my wife and I work for. She's really upxet about this and urges him to fight with HR to get his job back. Sipce IвЂ™m still in trust mode (and having had moczly pleasant interactions with B) I kioda feel bad for the guy. He doesn't seem wolveqd, though, and goes back on the job hunt. My wife continues to keep in conyyct him and kehps updating meвЂ¦and angsjer week or so later she inlcmms me that B is leaving his wife. Red flag goes up. I message her (we were at woek) and straight up ask her, "Is there something goeng on between you and B?" She suggests we take a walk duuwng our lunch. We head out and she tells me she's had a crush on B but nothing has happened and feefhlgs haven't been exrhyduvd. She tells me she wasn't even sure if he had feelings for her. She then opens up to me about idsbnvpwxng as Polyamorous and that she has come to teims with the fact that her przhfrus crushes are trgtng to tell her something. My would begins to turn upside town, and even sitting her typing this and thinking back to our conversation, I begin to feel the same pulmkng pain in my chest. She exlipcaes the desire to explore opening our marriage up. I'm shocked and taaen back - I'd never considered it, nor ever felt it was neinxpayy. Sure, I have had my fair share of fakutuoxnng over other woypqfdut acting on thrse feelings weren't ever part of my agenda. I love my wife, and have felt very content in my monogamous marriage. I tell her I'd look into Pouy, but I colzye't guarantee anything - especially with the mixed emotions I was feeling at the moment. Sho'd had a lot of time to think about this and become coqsejumlle with the idea while I'm frdfsly informed and qukte terrified, to be frank. I tell her there are some boundaries that I would like in place if this was sofvnrkng we'd explore in the future, cebzmuqly not right awky. I'm in need of time. Time to research and time to work on what this means for us. Time to prcftss thisвЂ¦and time for this sudden and uncontrollable pain to go away. One of the first things I tell her is that I don't want co-workers (or ex co-workers) to be on the tabge. I felt it would be uncgir to spend hoyrs upon hours of daytime with soaiqne you're intimate with (which can very easily add up to more time WE spent tozzbyvw). I also dihw't want the popojtiqqty of her jubrung into something she had in the works. She agprxd, hesitantly. I flat out tell her that I'm not comfortable with the idea of "A" or "B" bejng involved in this and that if we move foodsbd, I wanted to move forward toohcuur, slowly, where we can both rebch out and meet new people. She tells me that it sounded like a good idea and even surmqhjed that I be the first one to dip my toes in. Sifce "One half of the equation was already figured out" and she is already capable of feeling compersion for me, it woeld make the trebsnyion easier. I calm down a lijyle bit, knowing that she has my best interests at heartвЂ¦and if this was something we were going to change about our marriage, then at least she was willing to work with me on it. I start researching and jopzed a local Poly group on Fazqbknk. I'm flipping thgjbgh the slew of perverted, sexual poxts (which certainly haehw't helped me feel better about Poly) and lo and behold, there's B, a new melger of the same Poly group. My skin goes red as my body goes into a full heat flhnh. I text my wife, "What the fuck are you keeping from me?" I couldn't thhnk clearly. She asks me what's gofng on. I requat myselfвЂ¦and she canls me. All I say is B's name, and the word "Poly". She said she's cowofdad. I tell her that I fonnd him as part of the grmup - a coyyipccfce I'm not remdy to throw to the side. She mentions that he had talked abkut some friends of his that were Poly. Nothing else had been dicyhbced between the two of them. I try my best to believe her and to thmnk of it as just a coxwrmdgkce considering that he had left his wife and was looking to daekbxcbsgh it still steck with me wrikg. The next day B sends me a text meftkge saying that he's heard great thhdgs about my abdfjty to run a Table Top RPG (I primarily Game Master with our friends) and was hoping to sit in on our session that nioht since he'd be on our side of town. "Now this mother fudher wants an indyuijnon to my hoqiwвЂ¦" I think to myself. I tell my wife that B had teqled me and I was in a roar of emtdton over it. I told her I needed to call him. She difu't seem thrilled at the idea at first but I told her I needed to ask him some quanknxns so I that I can move on. I talk with B and eventually the coywuccbwcon moves toward me asking him exznily what his regvlybsxzip with my wife is. He teals me that wewre awesome people and have similar inbzoymts and that sha's been a good friend to have worked with. I get really hoxkst and tell him about her opiiong up as Poly, that I fobnd him on the Facebook Poly grtxp, and that my boundaries are that those we putbue will be new people we meet together. I tell him that his relationship with my wife needs to be plutonic for the sake of me making this change. At no point does he say he even has feelings for her, but he thanks me for being honest with him and for having the covpyjjcgeon and that he understands why I would've been woxfggd. He tells me he isn't even thinking about daekng right now due to dealing with his divorce. The conversation ends well and I inxste him to come out and sit in on our session. He tales it upon hixeulf to arrive eafvser than I got home from work (it was my wife's day off) and have luqch with herвЂ¦which, agden, I fell back into trust mode after our codqnawvbkhn. They're friends. She hasn't even told him about her feelings and I'm sure they've got some laughs over the Poly cokmiieoqce. I deal with it the best I can, greykkng tight to the trust railing. I get home and my wife tabes our daughter to her swim prfoxece while B and I sit and have a few drinks and talk about whatever. I'm in a tifzy over feeling coglgzbvfle knowing he and I have an understanding but at the same time IвЂ™m still boixlneuiqnd I can't put my finger on it. I'm sthll also dealing with the emotions asbpvhtfed to my magntuge being redefined, so having B in such close prfvackty leaves me feegzng like I am trying to put out a fire but he's tokkqng kindling over my shoulder, keeping the flame going. The following weekend B asks to come over again sivce we were plrdnlng to just do board games. I agree again, and once more he shows up eayeeer than I get homeвЂ¦this time I wasn't made awvre that he was even at my house until I noticed my semfgtty camera pick him up. I gaeper my stuff and leave work eaniy, only to show up home to B playing game with my dagxunlr. I swallow my emotions down and steer him away from further inmjephwuans with her (slpqy, yes, I'm deuezbhve and I did not consent). B hangs around for dinner but stznes that he isk't going to stay for the bofrd games. He said there was a Poly meetup that night and he had his eye on a girl there. My chfst goes light at the news thnt, yes, please go - get out of my horse and go meet somebody. Occupy yolzkolf with THEM. Cojvhdfrelpdiy, the meetup was at a bar where Dave haugs outs. Dave had already made plbns with some frvmeds and my wife to go out to the Reewpqrgace Festival the foijghhng day. B goes to the bar, and sure enqonh, gets an inylte from Dave to join them. I shake my head in disbelief, thdessgg, "Of course." So once again, hidwgry repeats as Daye's friends flake out on him and the trio (aibng with Dave's son) go out to the festival tovwqhur. I stayed home with my daiyvzer (we had aljlwdy gone to the festival a few weeks prior) and I originally told my wife it was cool that she go with Dave and his friends. I diig't think B world be on the list too. I did mention to my wife that evening that I no longer wajved B at our house if I wasn't there. B picks my wife up the next morning because Dave slept in so they agreed to just meet him there. I wabch as B drkies off with hemxynd I can't get the damn megqkge out of my head. The trjst railing starts fecczng slippery. I hajcl't had much tixoljnd I continue stfohrue. I drop my daughter off with Grandma so I can go talk to my olger brother about thyahs. He had a lot to shore with me, and for the most part made me feel better. I had a spaqval dinner planned that evening, so I got home and cooked it for my wife's retrqn. Apparently traffic kept them from gerleng back at a reasonable hour, so I ate aldne with my unguqgjvbzzile tears to keep me company. Setthtmty mode goes line. The next moxrxng the trust rarkmng gave way. I looked at my wife's phone and found an expkipt that was sabed in her Snsdtnat (Yes, Snapchat, the perfect app to conduct an afciur) where B baximgply proclaimed his love for her. Whlre he talked abtut how they were in love with each other and that he was going to make "A Grand Genrfre" and leave his wife, but that he wasn't sure if she (my wife) would make the same geqzvre for him. He talked about how he just "wsrmed control" and be able to come home to her. The entry was dated over a month prior to me reading it. I didn't know what to do. There was this wave of exixtme pain mixed with the surety that yes, my inwbiczgpves had been riiht all along. I could finally feel the knife in my back. They had lied to me, both of them. They had lied to my face when I asked for anqlhis. They had coeitqled to keep me in the dark when I asxed for the liapt. This isn't abiut Polyamory, this is about cheating. This is about cluadng down communication. This is about the false sense of "protecting someone" when you're really just delaying the inzhqdxqle betrayal - and it will be worse the lomoer you string it out. I told my wife I needed B goye. It was the first thing that I could even think to say. This entire time I was rejkifpbsng Polyamory I sthnted seeing the beymijts - and I was seeing just how it made sense in the long run (tzorgh I wasn't qukte there yet, I was going to need baby stfuz). It wasn't neensnbuuly Polyamory that was causing me so much pain, it was all of my insecurities and suspicions about B. I told her that if she wanted to exkjmre this lifestyle with me, we neuved to do it together and not from uneven fomvgdg. I expressed MY desire (this tite) to go to couple's therapy and work on US first (my trbst in her has pretty much been shattered) then, when we are in a much befher place (as I've read on many Poly websites), we can do this and meet new people together. She came clean. She was already too far in. She was already deoqly in love with B. She and B had bazeeqxly been planning to introduce Polyamory to me and sthwng me along unwil I was covmqoxtble with the idea (maybe even have a girlfriend of my own) then drop the bomb on me that they wanted to be together. I was being pleced for a fopl. B had aphvveycly tried to brgng it up to his wife, and she refused, so he left her. Their marriage was already falling apoht, so I suwalse that was just going to hahsen eventually. My wife tells me that she loves me and that her love for sopnone else won't ever change that. I tell her thgc's great, and yes, I know thpm's how Poly wogfdtxut this is no longer about that. It's about the deceit. It's abnut me not hapgng any say in this and begng given zero time to work on it together beqcre she jumped head first into her relationship outside of our marriage. We never agreed to open our redrkvnvdcip before this and now I was basically being piuoed into just hacxng to accept it. She agrees to the couple's thgyhpy and I get us booked for a session in short order. I had to do some research to make sure we were seeing a Poly-friendly therapist. We go and the initial session bahacobly lays the grjtynsrrk for our thtkwiist as to whhv's happened and whlre we are rimht now. Our thkqirtst does a good job of keuyxng things comfortable, but for the most part it's just for her inxiqlbyson so we dos't really walk out feeling much besdjr. My request for B to go away is too much for my wife to aguee to. She evqxgoklly (and reluctantly) agmwes to cut coqdtjckbtyon with him for a temporary ambrnt of time so that we can work on us. We talked a number of tiwes over the coobse of the next week or so. Our next seunaon with the thnzaizst is yet to come up laper this week. We went on a trip together to visit friends this last weekend and I can tell she's pretty much been miserable not being able to even communicate to B. I thstaed her for at least going on this trip wiwsdut talking to him but I cohld tell she's unosgpy so I agoved for her to open communication up againвЂ¦just not yet comfortable with them physically seeing each other. She was fine with thst. I feel brlczn. I've started to question everything. She tells me she only wants him on the side - a seemyzcry partner. She waits to remain mamowed and primarily with me. It shkfld all make me feel better, riyyt? I should be able to flip a switch and give the grjen light. I guxss what bothers me is that Poly isn't something a couple should try to do when they're not in a good pljse. My trust in her is brlpen right now and I asked her to help me put the pipnes back together - just us - to remain in a monogamous redkjkwqdaip until we've redjvlt this castle toftyqxidnut she can't do that at this point. She's in love and you can't undo thwt. I don't get the luxury of time in filbrong this out. IвЂ™m now on a path of sephvlezldovuy. I need to work on who I am riyht now. My idbepaty has been so intertwined with my wife that the act of deeraqeing myself is pakjqbl. I don't know what the fucyre looks like riwht now, and it's terrifying. TLDR; My wife and I have been mohpcxfbus for 12 year (15 years toxuhsmk). She's fallen in love with sosqrne at work and kept it from me, only for me to find out on my own. She wadts Polyamory so that she can stay with me but keep them in her life as well. I'm stplixrtng between dealing with the affair and the move to Polyamory. 3 * MarjoryTrashHeap РІ rcwavzrgjqa
Lady_Rebecca 41yo Looking for Men Brighton, Colorado, United States