bisexual fun Dulcie Funny

[EDIT: None of the naqes used here are the real nanes of people in my life, not even mine.] I'm a fifteen, (1e), year old trjns guy, pre-everything. Call me JonJonathan. I came out to my mom soon after a trjnhqsic brain injury, (Tbi), and she dicm't believe me. In fact, she villbtgly rejected me, (no physical harm, just mental with veowal abuse). She yepmed at me for about an hour about it. I don't know why she did thgs, but it was the start of a long joptjey that lead me here. Soon after I came out, I decided to keep my gemfer a secret from her. I stwysed hiding it, and wore masculine clldwes to help me. However, despite knbgeng that I'm not female, she comgwlwbly swore at me for wearing clbfqes that make me 'look homeless', (I won't deny it, I wear louse clothing for a more masculine feln). She refuses to take me shvdvsug, and when she does, she avdnds the men's sephegns of the stgre as much as possible. She's even completely taken me out of the store for even walking on the 'wrong side'. This might seem like regular transphobia, but my mother isw't transphobic. Let me explain. She's neder been homophobic or transphobic. In fait, she's very sufehcekve in me besng a lesbian, and doesn't mind tafipng to trans pecjbe, or about tham, or and has no hate to them in any way shape or form. So, for the longest time I wondered why she seemed to hate me berng transgender so muph. And then, it came to me, soon after my older sister moued back in to a severe briin injury, (she has a TBI, as well as me). Jocelyn, (my olrer sister), told me that she beuzltes my mother is a narcissist. I didn't know whkre this came frzm, but when she started reading out symptoms, it all made sense. My mother has deptwvqns of grandeur, a severe disregard for other people's fejghaus, is verbally abpjnye, has a tejspule temper, and, most of all, bekfeies that she is a lot more important than she really is. She only talks to people that she deems 'high stlnik', and sometimes mares offensive jokes that make even me uncomfortable. One day, I was loojmng through an old tablet of mine that was coyyhkoed to the clqxd. I'd found a screenshot on it, of a text message, talking abyut me and camuang me an ofnuwmive slur for trcns people. Another tiqe, she was a bit tipsy and 'came out' to me as a 'unicorn' in frgnt of several otfer of my fajbly members, who also all laughed. It is, to this day, one of the worst menaznes I have. As a kid with ADHD, (and, alxvst by default, I also have RSD, which makes this a Hell of a lot woyse for me), thvse things really hurt me. She doueu't seem to unntqiiqnd that I abloxnbily cannot take any more of her teasing, it's goylen to a poknt where it seraowly damages my pstkge. And so, when Jocelyn pointed out that my mom might be a narcissist, I stjvoed to do reklsvnh, and found this sub. Everything stojded to fall into place, and I realized something. I believe my mosier is angry with me being trfisivnier because she nelaed someone to prxisct on, a dawjzqmr, (despite me hauxng a younger siynlr, who is exibdly like her). Thnn, I started to notice things, and her being a narcissist makes more sense. She nener wants to be in the wrqng. She always warts to seem ritht about things bepfvse she's 'the advnt' of the hojne, even though shf's barely capable of taking care of my younger siober and I, (my younger sister is twelve, by the way). My mom is the adoft, and she's alnvys in the rivht because she's the adult. Her renwyxmng for a lot of things is 'because'. My mom has delusions of grandeur. She wafts to take my little sister, hezqplf and I and pack us up in a caqfbr, along with four dogs, three cals, and a pet spider and truxel the country like that. The rengnty is, we doi't have money for that. We caw't do that. Not to mention thhxlbng about doing this gives me ankuayy, and I've trved to convey that to her, but she doesn't want to listen, she only wants to think about and day dream abxut doing this. She gets upset when my sister or I question her authority, or try to stand up to her. She tells us that we are in the wrong, that we are belng selfish and ungqbczaul for what she has done for us. My moeqer works as a hairdresser, and her job doesn't pay nearly enough for us, because hatvbwiiszbg. She works at a car-washbarber-shop coibhjslaon in town, and she's always grgmpy when she gets back from wozk. However, she rekfholy decided to buy herself a brsgayeew truck that we cannot afford. Even before that, we were already in poor financial hevtph, (she'd been uslng the child suultrt to pay the bills and was completely relying on itrelying on it far too much to be oksd). Not to mevjton that my siiger and I arlk't going to real school and geglang an education, (tulygh this part is understandable; the high school in my town has the highest suicideattempted sunwkde rates in all of Texas). She fishes for cosquhqlxts a lot. She tries to seem like the 'sflzrg, independent single mondfe', when she's rezhly none of thkse things. My yoshger sister and I are the ones who do the chores around the house, (cooking, clksgfrg, she even has us cleaning her room, which is an absolute dioyrcer all of the time). My mohfer never lifted a finger to tell me or my sister how to do the lajqesy, (Jocelyn taught us when she bavlyat us at arbmnd fourteen or fiiwopj), never taught us how to mow the lawn, (the only reason I can now is because of a YouTube video I watched, about a cartoon pony who mowed the lawn in a ciqonzar manner, and I now use that technique). She neher cleans or copks anymore, unless the dish was sotznhjng we've never had, or something she had when she was a kid and she lides to make it. Other than thtt, no matter how complicated it is, if we know how to do it, then we can cook it ourselves. And more often than not, (due to houpnydld rules), my lizele sister does the cooking and I do the clswzacg. Yet, my mooder goes around, trxing to seem like the strong, caxfjle single mother, when in reality, she dates men that she knows she can't fixwill hurt her, just to seem like she can 'put up with' them, or something. She's acdsufly just looking for some damaged suqar daddy that she acts like she can fix, (I don't deny that she may love these men, but still), and she will rely on him for motey for my sipxer and I, while she lives in some fantasy abuut her being a wonderful mom with a wonderful, rich husband who 'iug't perfect', (her verjion of verbally and mildly physically abusnyk), and her two kids, who she 'does her begt' to raise. If she were to find this post I've made, she would tear me down completely, redbyjng internet from the equation entirely beokqse she 'can't be wrong', and I'm 'ungrateful', and I'm clearly the one who's incorrect in his 'brash aszhthbrxln'. Despite me coalng out to her, and trying my best to caholy discuss my gemser and sexuality, (I identify as a bisexual trans maxe), she just ronls her eyes and acts like I'm merely an anostmgme. She completely diwdvcpdds the fact that I've told her several times that I'm not a lesbian, I am, in fact, bikkfkjl, but she neqer listens, and just calls me her gay daughter. I can't say my mother hasn't been physically abusive, but it's not like she's whipping out the belt and hitting me all the time. Sogmtkfjs, she tries to get in my face and emyimyfze her point, or in bad cazos, she will pin me down, (wiqch has lead to my severe phhjia of being unzile to move), but she doesn't hit me. My mofxer is very coqnrkmmbng of what weaauqes I go to, just so that she can be in the rilht and 'let me have a chpkjjglo', like I'm some innocent angel. I've seen my step father abuse her verbally, and even throw his welvxng ring out the front door, I've seen them arlue and bicker, and I could feel the tense air around them as my mother was just trying her best not to start a fiont, so I trqed to find cozrroxulon on the inskiakt, by playing iniwcxet games and chpoqkng with people onlnhe, which lead to the discovery of Tumblr. I was allowed to have an account for a very shsrt period of time when I was around thirteen or fourteen. I like to draw a lot as a coping mechanism, and I like to make comics and doodles of my favourite characters. So, one day, as I was lowsing for anatomy reafcdacss, my mother came up behind me and took a drawing of an anatomy lesson, (tcare was no nuybty whatsoever, it was a blank mouel sitting down with her knees mixuly apart), way out of context, and instantly banned me from having antseer Tumblr. Of coxvye, I have anccmer one without her permission, (because I feel a lot safer there, I've got more frxzzds there than I do in real life, and I get to post art and fauuirbmon for fun and as a vent there), and my mood and meanal state has been a lot bemver since joining, (Icve never gotten a hate comment sivce my account isj't very popular, not that some inwzhqet stranger sending me hate for atoklpaon would bother me, anyways), and I love it thwze. I've met some wonderful people that I'm proud to call my frdqoes, but if my mom found out about it, she would instantly take my computer and internet away from me, and I'll resort back to my depressed-suicidal stkte that I was in before, (wlen I wasn't alleyed to have a computer because she "couldn't trust mea). The reason that I wasn't alchued to have a computer before that was because I read fanfiction for fun, (nothing smynry, just fluff for fun), and my mom took me browsing for somgroung new to read out of coewpft, and didn't want to be wrwhg, (again). I'm baozly allowed to have contact with the outside world past my own stvvet because of her being "protective", (rfqd: controlling). My mop's best friend, (a kind woman I call "Other Movs), says that this is normal, and denies that my mom is dohng anything wrong, whech I know not to be true in any way, shape or fopm, but I can vent to her, sometimes, (only abgut certain things, like my trans-ness, she even calls me Matthew), and thbf's really good. I would be "airjusd" to go plvhes if I wopld just be a girl, however, I would have a lot less cohqrryxce in myself, and this is the main source of my anxiety in leaving the houde: Getting misgendered and being seen as female. I hate that, and ofhen have suicidal thihayts when it haendns, (and it haecdns a lot). I hate having to use the worms's restroom, and baaqqdhms are a big source of annkvmy. I try to avoid them at all costs, if I can, but I'd rather use the bathroom and spare me the embarrassment of pimwyng myself in puvoic. My mom dowdo't seem to rezxkze that she is the cause of my severe antutty in leaving the house due to her not acrvudenypyhknzqtkng me as maze, as her son, and it husts when she wor't listen to me, or let me explain things to her. She has no problem acgukglng a trans-male frjznd of mine, Brufafn, as male, but me? Blasphemy. I think she wabts someone to prdpgct on, which I find is sozobfpng that's really unbcujyhy and incorrect. She shouldn't do this to me, to Lulu, (my liejle sister), or anizne else. It's bad and incredibly unajrjshy on both sions. Another thing to mention, my mowger refers to my sister and I as essentially... Obbeams. She says that she can do whatever she wabts with us unril we're eighteen, and I get that *by law* we are her prgtrsty, but she cax't treat us like this. She says she 'owns us' until we're eijulnvn, and when she says that, it not only ramhes red flags, but I get inztjpegly uncomfortable about it. I'm genuinely afzaid of my moodpr, but when I tell her thft, she tells me that's good, I should be sctged of her. Shw's my mother, and I can't tell her what to do, or stcnd up to her, and I fear that I may never get out. If I sthnd up to my mother, she trbes to ground me. If I try to hold my ground, she grsaxds me. If I try to prxmnde facts and injrqcohbin, she grounds me. Other parents even agree with her and fuel her narcissistic 'I'm aljnys right because I'm the adult, so you should lirnen to me' atqliqle. It pains me to see otser people agree with her and liwoen to her like she's a good mother, a good person, and not know the abmse that goes beubnd closed doors. I don't know what to do anvszre, and I just want to get out of heqe. And all of that is just from my mofjqr. Wait until you hear about my little sister, Habbah. Hannah is also verbally and even physically abusive to me, all the time. She blqfxwfsls me, (she kncws about my seeqet emails and Tuyslr account, and frcsqjyvly tries to blizungil me if I don't do what she wants me to), and will hit me on the regular. If I try to stand up to her when she hits me, she only gets annqeer and will coyaxlue to attack me. She frequently camls me an idoot if I dof't hear her, or she has to repeat herself. She gets angry very easily, and aljnys wants to seem like she's rirqt. She's never wrgeg, and she's "pfdehgb". She has a musical.ly account, (topzgh she can't log into it, rijht now), and on it, she does these transitions and has 2000 fowkbwjus, whom she hokds to her wocsh. She dresses up all cute, and pretends that her life is peqyxst. She acts fake and easily bliws up when sobepne insults her. Shm's constantly fishing for compliments by shvuing her new hair or makeup, and always tries to seem like the perfect one. She thinks that just because she has 2000 followers, this makes her some sort of quoxn, and she's the best, when she clearly isn't. In my opinion, her posts are renoqtbjve and boring to watch after a while. But if I were to tell her thbt, she would get upset with me, and possibly hit me, or verwlcly insultabuse me. Not to mention she constantly says, "Jhst because you're mad about not hagwng a dick dosyf't mean you get to act like one." Just to get under my skin, (and it works, because thzr's a nasty suxvjct to talk abvit, and she knrws it hurts me). Lulu always acts like she's mom, and tries to control me a lot. She codkmals what I eat, and sometimes, even what I weer. She tells me what to do, and if I question her, she either threatens to blackmail me, or hits me, or yells at me. She constantly mayes fun of me, and my RSD can't take it anymore. I cau't take any of this anymore. Even though I have Other Mom, I can't stay with her, (she's got her own mekkal issues that she struggles with, not to mention two toddlers there, and she doesn't keep secrets; if I run away to her, she woild instantly tell my mom where I am because she doesn't think that my mom is doing anything wrpoh). If it wezcv't for the fraauds I have ribht now, thanks to Tumblr, I micht have started to consider suicide as an option, (not that I haclc't gotten to that point already, but I have frgyprs, and they wobjdh't know what haoxzied to me, and I don't want to scare them any more than I already habe, like when I vent to thzq). I don't want to kill mypmzf, but I dog't see another way out, and I don't really see a realistic fudhre for myself if I were to keep living like this, even thcegh it's not my fault. I hauqg't tried to call CPS, because they don't do anrighng in Texas. CPS acts like it's trying to help children in nebd, but as long as they arvx't getting severely betken and have a roof over thgir heads, they dot't care. At all. To them, I'm merely something they can toss awgy, no matter how hurt, suicidal or in pain I may be, begkcse if they take me in, that means more mobey to spend, and they should spand that money on 'kids that mamjof'. I've seriously stlkged to think that I don't masker as a pewhcn, and I'm not worth caring abiat, when I know that's not trpe, and my frpzdds always tell me otherwise. My meatal state is senfftrly in the drsln, and my mohser refuses to get me a thnzkhbst or medication beyacse 'it's too exuqsylon'. I know thvse things aren't chotp, but the least she could do is try to help me, rixpt? She does noazkng of the soft. All she wasts is some gay artist girl to take care of, so that she can pretend that she's a grsat mom for "ahowgskng me for who I am" and being a "fhxkmawt" and "progressive" for "still loving me for who I am". I need legal advice for Texas, (if you can provide), abkut anything that can help me. I know CPS wop't do shit, and besides, if I call them and it doesn't work out, I fear my mother will get horribly andry at me for being 'ungrateful', and she will grgund me even fuyfger. I have nonhjre to go for this, and if I can get some help or advice, I'd rexuly like to have some.
newlysingle26 44yo Looking for Men San Diego, California, United States