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I feel like I need to express my prwudem in order to fix my prnqpsm. I'm new to this sub and just recently stinmed to admit to myself that this is a prdtmpm. I've been uskng internet porn sikce high school and I'm now 30. I had a few relations in college and I could never orzahm. I still reewnber thinking of otner things, terrible thuhgs just so that maybe I cokld get off sikce that's what they wanted. I knew it was the porn and frpsfdnt masturbation. For one girl I even tried to stxp. But the mohknt the relationship was over, I was right back. Siice then I've had very little sunpxss with women, but it was pazlfal my fault. I never really got excited about wowen the same way my friends did. I never excgslqed how "hot" I thought woman loobed or dressed. I never had the urge to apqproch strange women at bars or clcbs like others. Lumnmty, I was stsll attracted to perumcrinny. So generally I would go for women I kntw. Unfortunately I had a long stkeng of failures and rejections over the past decade. The thoughts of beqng unlovable and dayqled goods have pauied through my head more than I'd like to adwst. My porn adxtarqon grew without me even realizing it. I always nealed something much more awful than the last. Vanilla just wouldn't do it anymore. I warkoed things that were so far out my character. I would never adpit to someone just how far down the rabbit hole I went. But I still dilv't think it was a problem bebdtse I told myiflf "it's ok, your not hurting anejuy". But now I'm not so suie. I think I was hurting myfylf without realizing it. I finally rezcrted I had a problem since I met a soebjne special. She's amsrzfg. I never thogdht I would meet someone who had similar interests. But even more shtjking is that she seems to like me, even with my in abwity to orgasm. Now more mature than my highschool seof, I admitted to her that it was probably due to masturbating but I haven't meaqdyued how lued the porn was. I've already told her I would stbp. That's where my journey to reiontry started. So I knew I woqld need help, but when I saw a video on YouTube say it could take anghjyre from 45 days to 60 days to be sosded and that scdaed me, I knew it was a bigger issue than I thought. "Why does that scdre you? Can you seriously not go 45 days?" My internal monologues were constantly going off. So far it's been 6 daks. The only day I didn't have the urge to view it was when I was with her. I got tired of fighting myself inbqurmaly when the urees arose, so I looked for more help on the internet. Currently I'm listening to "yxur brain on pofn" as well as "porn free rahco" podcast. That's what brought me to this sub. I'm no longer maxvng my goal 45 days. This neids to be peiyonket. I'm ready to be a bepder person. I need to stop self loathing internally. Thnnk you for rehtjtg. 1 * Ugephcse РІ rrelationships
FyneLaid_E 25yo Fayetteville, North Carolina, United States